When Hunger Strikes: Taming the Texas Chupacabra
Okay, amigos, we know it’s nowhere near Day of the Dead (or as you gringos call it, Halloween), but boy, do we have a scary story for you! Seriously, this is not for the faint of heart or weak of bladder. Another option for the opening, using campfire ghost stories and summer: Summer is coming, as is the tradition of telling scary stories around a campfire, and boy do we have one that will make your skin crawl.
Once upon a time, in the dark of the night, eight sheep were found dead in a field in Puerto Rico. Each of them had puncture wounds in their chest, and the blood was completely drained from their bodies. There wasn’t a footprint or any blood stains to be found….Was it Dracula? Was it Edward from Twilight? No, mi amigos, it was the chupacabra, a.k.a. “goat sucker. Since then, there have been sightings all over the world, including Mexico, the U.S., the Philippines, and Russia.
Some say chupacabras are kangaroo-like creatures with the head of a crocodile. Others describe gray-green skin, quills along the spine, a dog-like face, and of course, fangs. We asked a composite sketch artist to put together what this creature might look like, and it’s something like this.
Pretty scary stuff, huh?
Chupacabras usually prefer livestock like goats, sheep, pigs, and chickens. The weirdest thing about them—you know, aside from the way they suck blood—is that they’re said to leave a vanishing trail of footprints, almost like they take off in the air like a bird. (With that in mind, maybe the composite sketch should look more like this.)
Usually, “sightings” of this mythical creature turn out to be coyotes with male-pattern baldness, though there have been a few cases throughout the years that scientists can’t explain. Most recently, this ugly little devil popped up in a small Texas town named Ratcliffe, though later experts figured out it was actually a raccoon with Bruce-Willis disease.
Okay, so this latest sighting turned out to be a hoax, but here at Cafe Rio, we totally believe in the chupacabra. If you’ve ever been in our line on a Friday night, you know the face of true hunger and that it can drive even the sweetest of little old ladies mad. No wonder these monsters are on the rampage, killing off Babe and all his farmyard friends. They just need a good bite to eat!
No need to fear, folks. Cafe Rio can tame this wild beast, with a little thing we like to call our secret weapon: the enchilada-style burrito. No creature—from a supernatural coyote to your ravenous teenager—can resist it. So if you think you might have a chupacabra running loose on your property, just order an extra entree to-go, your goats will be safe because there is no resisting the fresh made, hot tortilla, the mouth watering meat, the piping hot, dripping sauce, the melted cheese.
And, chupacabras of the world, if you happen to be reading this, there’s no reason why you can’t drop by in person for the best Mexican food in town. We’ve even come up with a clever disguise you can use and we’ll even throw in one of our famous Mexican desserts. That’s the Cafe Rio way!